she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
