so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Come share oat with me in your robe
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
