i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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