I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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