First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
