I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
