i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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