she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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