Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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