i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
