why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
