A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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