There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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