I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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