if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
