She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
