Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
