I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
