Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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