I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's official drugs can't kill me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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