We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
