We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
