does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
