why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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