she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we made out on top of his cat.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
pop tarts are not kleenex
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
