very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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