please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
