you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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