i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
