Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
