Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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