Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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