I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
