in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
