Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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