Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
