East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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