I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize