Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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