so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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