Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
