This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He shit in the fireplace
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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