I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
