so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
