it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize