Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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