Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
