I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
