The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize