The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
