Me too!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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