If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
