my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
