everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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