Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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