Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
