i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
