Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
