Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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