You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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