Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In other news, I just burned my penis
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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