if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
