I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
