two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
