so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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