How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize