I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
