Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
