she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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