I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
