I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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