I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
