You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
