Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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