my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
