I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
