my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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