No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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