Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
