I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I had to cum in my sink.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
