But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
