i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
