I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize