At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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