I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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