Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
