I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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