We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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