You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
