It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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