When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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