New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
