is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
